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NETWORKING:
No,
it didn't die in the 80s
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More
Important Than Ever
Networking,
the opportunity to make both business and social contacts,
was a concept Jerry Rubin pioneered in the 1980's. Even
though the word "networking" now seems like
an old cliché left behind in the 80's like we
did the word "yuppie," or "groovy"
in the 70's, the concept is still just as valid and
just important today.
When
the book, "How to Work a Room - A Guide to Successfully
Managing the Mingling" came out, it was touted
as the book for the 90's. This was the natural progression
of networking. It wasn't enough to network, we have
to develop the skills necessary to make the connections
meaningful, to carry on productive conversations, to
obtain the information we need from others to communicate
what we intend, to promote ourselves and our company
without bragging, to meet the right people, and to tactfully
disengage ourselves from fruitless discussions.
Enter
the new millennium, and now there's e-mail, chatrooms
and newsgroups, as well as face-to-face contact, and
networking takes on a totally new dimension. The updated
version is now, "How
to Work a Room: The Ultimate Guide to Savvy Socializing
in Person and Online."
When
the economy takes a downturn, who you
know becomes more important than ever. It gives you
that foot-in-the-door, that familiar face, just when
opportunities seem slimmer than ever. (Tips
for Networking Effectively)
Never
refuse any advance of friendship, for if nine out of
ten bring you nothing, one alone may repay you. ~ Madame
de Tencin
Face-to-face
networking is still probably the most challenging and
most daunting to most people, and is an area that I
have had to personally work on. I find almost any other
kind of communication, such as e-mails, business-related
dialogues or teaching a class, much easier than carrying
on one-on-one conversations. Over the years, however,
I have improved with a few "techniques" that
have made it easier for me.
According
to Larry King, veteran interviewer: "The key
is to ask engaging questions, pay attention to what
the other person is saying and respond to what is being
said to keep the conversation going."
Easy
to say, but how do you do it? Here are some tips for
talking to anyone, anytime, anywhere that have worked
for me:
Break
the ice with the mundane:
When we started our bakery, I was in charge of the
sales side of the house, and my sister was in charge
of the production end. That was my own personal penance
for being a shy, nonsocial introvert. Suddenly, not
only did I have constant daily face-to-face customer
contact, but I also had to train our sales clerks how
to speak with and treat our customers. During those
years I received intense training myself on the art
of "chatting."
Though
I found myself keeping score on how many times a day
I discussed the weather, it taught me not to underestimate
the power of the trite comment: "Isn't this
great weather we've been having?"
You
can't go wrong with universal topics, such as the weather,
movies, sports, pets and children, that almost everyone
can relate to. These subjects do the one thing you need
to start a conversation with anyone: they break the
ice!
Expand,
lead and digress:
Once you've broken the ice, the next step is to expand
upon your opening line. "This is the nicest
winter we've had in years!" This kind of statement
not only picks up where you left off, but leads the
other person to answer, thereby keeping the conversation
going.
Take
the lead again by selecting something else from their
answer to expand upon. For example, if they come back
with, "No, it's like winter in South Carolina,"
that just gave you an opening into which to digress.
Now you can ask if they're from South Carolina originally,
or have a fascinating discussion about the effect of
weather on one's quality of life, or the way weather
influences lifestyle, or why different people prefer
different parts of the country.
Ask
open-ended questions:
Okay, you've heard this one before, but what exactly
is an open-ended question? Simply, it is a question
that can't be answered with a yes or no. "Why?"
is an open-ended question. "What do you think?"
"What if ... ?" "How do you ..."
These kind of questions prompt discussion, and the responses
you receive will give you more material for further
conversation.
Offer
an opinion:
"I prefer spending winter in Florida when
I can manage it." This allows the other person
to take a break from having to answer all your questions
and being the focus of the conversation. While it's
true that most people love to talk about themselves,
breaking it up by offering your own opinion helps take
the pressure off if they're uncomfortable speaking to
a new person. It also allows them to get to know you,
your likes and dislikes, which provides the opportunity
to establish some common ground. When networking, this
also allows you the opportunity to try to deliver one
important or interesting statement that they will remember
you by.
A
word of warning: when speaking with someone you
don't know, keep your opinions uncontroversial and uninsulting.
If your intent is to continue a conversation with someone
and make a contact for the future, you don't want to
turn them off by something you've said. It's not necessary,
and probably not desirable, to tell someone everything
about yourself the first time you meet.
Reminisce:
If the discussion reminds you of something that happened
to you, or something you heard on the news that day,
or something that somebody else told you, don't be afraid
to mention it. This is what all good conversationalists
and storytellers do. This is another opportunity to
relieve the pressure on the other person for awhile,
and an opening for further digression to other topics.
Listen:
Listening is essential to carrying on good conversations.
You cannot successfully lead or expand upon what the
other person is saying unless you've actually heard
what they've said. And nothing turns someone off faster
than your monopolizing a conversation.
Truly
listening to people will demonstrate your sincere interest.
People are flattered by others who listen to what they
have to say. By expanding and leading on what they have
said, you give them immediate confirmation that you
were indeed listening.
Don't
spend the time that you are not speaking planning what
you will say next. Not only is it impolite, but it causes
you to miss what they are saying now. Remember —
listening is a way to show your respect for others.
Show
Enthusiasm:
Most
importantly, show a little enthusiasm! Pretend the person
you are speaking with is your best friend. How do you
speak to that person? What is your tone of voice? Try
to mimic that feeling of friendliness, expressiveness,
and genuine delight that you would use with your best
buddy. You'd be surprised what that shift of tone will
accomplish in completely transforming an encounter.
It immediately dispels the awkwardness and hesitancy
of speaking with someone for the first time.
When
I first met my friend, Lydia, in college, she immediately
flew into a talking streak of 100 words a second! It
was absolutely breathtaking! She was thanking me for
attending a club meeting, asked if I liked to dance,
invited me to go out with her and her sister, and invited
me over to her house all in the same breath. I was overwhelmed,
but also absolutely charmed by her friendliness, her
enthusiasm, her love of life, and her openness to establishing
a friendship. She is still just as excitable, just as
fun to be with, and we've been friends ever since!
When
you're networking, you are trying to accomplish a number
of objectives, including:
- Make
a contact
- Leave
a positive impression
- Establish
a friendship and/or credibility
Enthusiasm
when you meet someone, as if you really are glad
to meet them, will accomplish all of the above.
End
conversations gracefully:
Breaking away from a conversation is often just as difficult
as starting one. Just as you planned ahead with a list
of mundane ice-breakers to begin any conversation, do
make a mental list ahead of time of conversation-enders.
"I'm so glad I had a chance to meet you. I hope
you have a pleasant trip back to…" could
be a standard closer. Some others might be, "The
food is so good, I think I'll go back for seconds."
"I've got to say hello/good-bye to the host",
"Good luck with your project; if there's anything
else I can do for you, just give me a call."
All of these statements are closers — they clearly
signal that this conversation is over.
The
key to leaving a great last impression is to make your
excuses in a polite, friendly, and unapologetic way
… then leave.
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